I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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