Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
