Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will be naked everywhere
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
