Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
