I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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