I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
