i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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