Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
