and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
honey bunches of taint.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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