I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
