I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize