He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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