Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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