i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
