bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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