Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
