Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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