and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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