My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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