Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
