his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
