quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't deserve a penis
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
