Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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