Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
