Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
