Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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