Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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