I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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