So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
