He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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