he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
