The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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