I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm really busy with my period
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