I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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