Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My feet surprised me
Just puked most of my soul out..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
