my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
