the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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