You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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