he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
