I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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