I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
