Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
