This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
