Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
