You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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