your thong is hanging out like whoa
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
