Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
