I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
