used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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