So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
