the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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