i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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