I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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