she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
