Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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