now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
