Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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