hotel room ftw
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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