It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
