I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
