I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
