I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
