i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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